If I Were Not a Boy Scout
Tune: This is the Music Concert
If I were not a Boy Scout,
I wonder what I'd be
If I were not a Boy Scout, a ......
A bird watcher I'd be
Hark a lark, flying through the park, SPLAT!
A plumber I would be
Plunge it, flush it, look out below!
A mermaid I would be
Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop!
A carpenter I'd be
Two by four, nail it to the floor!
A secretary I'd be
z-z-z-z get the point, z-z-z-z get the point?
A teacher I would be
Sit down, shut up, throw away your gum!
An airline attendant I'd be
Coffee, tea, or me, sir; here's your little bag,BLEH!
A typist I would be
Ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ZING!
A hippie I would be
Love and peace, my hair is full of grease!
[or] Hey Man! Cool Man! Far out! Wow!
A farmer I would be
Here's a cow, there's a cow, and here's another yuck!
[or] Come on Betsy give... the baby's gotta live
A laundry worker I would be
Starchy here, starchy there, starchy in your underwear!
A cashier I would be
Twenty nine, forty nine, here is your change, sir!
A gym teacher I'd be
We must, we must, improve the bust!
A medic I would be
Turn around, drop your pants, jab, jab, jab!
A doctor I would be
Take a pill; pay my bill! I'm going golfing!
[or] Needle! Thread! Stick 'em in the head!
An electrician I would be
Positive, negative bbzzzzt zap
A fireman I would be
Jump lady, jump... whoa spat!
A cook I would be
Mix it, bake it; heartburn-BURP!
A ice cream maker I'd be
Tutti-frutti, tutti-frutti, nice ice cream!
A politician I would be
Raise the taxes, lower the pay, vote for me on election day!
A butcher I would be
Chop it up, grind it up, make a little patty!
A garbage collector I'd be
Lift it, dump it, pick out the good stuff
[or] Pile that garbage. Pile that garbage. Pile it to the sky.
A [Domino's] pizza maker I'd be
30 minute, fast delivery!
A clam digger I would be
Dig one here, dig one there-Oh my frozen derriere!
Superman I would be
It's a bird, it's a plane, where is Lois Lane?
Lois Lane I would be
Get away, get away, get away, Clark Kent!
A cyclist I would be
peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle; ring, ring, ring!
A truck driver I'd be
Here's a curve, there's a curve. HERE'S A BETTER CURVE!
[Makes outline of shapely woman.]
A house cleaner I'd be
Ooh, a bug; squish it in the rug!
A baby I would be
Mama, Dada, I wuv you!
A Preacher I would be
Well, well, you never can tell; you might go to heaven, or you might go
A DJ I would Be,
Miles of smiles on the radio dial.
A Stewardess I would be,
Here's your coffee, here's your tea. here's your paper bag, urrrp
A Baker I would be,
Donuts! Eclairs! Buy My Buns!
A Lifeguard I would be,
Save yourself, Man. I'm working on my tan!
[or] Mouth to Mouth Resuscitate, What a way to get a date.
A Lawyer I would be,
Honest. I swear, My client wasn't there
An Undertaker I would be,
6 x 4, nail them to the floor.
An Engineer, I would be,
Push the button, push the button, kick the darn machine.
A Ranger I would be,
Get eaten by a bear, see if I care.
A Scoutmaster I would be,
Do this, do that, I'm gonna take a nap.
Finally: A Girl Scout I would be!